Know it like the back of your handbook: VU’s weirdest contract rules

Vanguard’s campus is full of inside jokes, from the DTR bench, to being fined for picking flowers on campus, there a few aspects about our university that when joked around about unite the students. Something that all Vanguard students can relate to is the student handbook that we are supposed to read and agree to when we enroll. But let’s be honest, no one actually has read the full contract. Here are 10 random rules in the student handbook that you probably didn’t know.

10. Food Guidelines

Recently, the Caf, Samson’s, and Outtakes have posted signs saying that if you do not have your ID with you, or if it is not your own, they cannot service you. It may seem like a recent change, but it has actually been in the student handbook this whole time, stated plainly on page 48. So, it looks like that won’t be changing back; students will have to start putting sticky notes on their doors to remind them to grab their card.

9. Bikes on Campus

According to page 21 of the handbook, the Costa Mesa Municipal Code requires that all bicycles to be registered. Students are supposed to go to the Costa Mesa Police Department to do so; otherwise, they can resister at campus safety, and they will forward the application.

The police department is literally right next to campus, and for most freshmen, it would be a shorter walk to the police station than to Campus Safety.

8. Disruption to Community

This topic is as vague as Vanguard can get. All they say is that any form of activism against Vanguard or Vanguard’s community standards is prohibited.

It is defined as a form of disruption to the community, which is anything that causes mental or emotional damage to students or inhibits their learning abilities. But what does that even mean? One persuasive writing teacher last year came to class dressed up like a clown for Halloween, and that sure distracted the leaning. What if someone in the class was afraid of clowns? That’s emotional damage right there.

7. Weapons

Obviously, no weapons are allowed on campus, but what about toy weapons? BB Guns? Nerf Guns? Water Guns? According to the handbook, any toy gun has to be brightly colored and decorated as to show from a distance that it is fake. How brightly colored are they wanting? The handbook does not explicitly say that it must be neon or just how much color is required.

This raises the question about Vanguard’s beloved tradition of Humans v. Zombies. The rules of the game require students to possess a nerf gun or a makeshift toy weapon of some sort with them all the time. For some nerf guns, the only bright color on them is their orange tip. Maybe Vanguard should just stock the bookstore with neon nerf guns with the Vanguard logo on it for Humans v. Zombies next year. They could make bank if they only allow their Vanguard-approved toy guns.

6. Dancing Policy

One of the most common jokes in Vanguard’s community is the no dancing rule. Music comes on, friend says, “let’s dance” and then you must remind them that you go to Vanguard. You have a good cry about it, say some prayers and awkwardly bop your head to the music. That’s totally how it goes down.

The context of this rule is that social dancing is not allowed on Vanguard’s campus, but is allowed off campus with the right paperwork submitted at least a month before the events occurs for proper inspection. Kind of takes the spontaneity out of it, but if you wake up one morning and think to yourself “in exactly one month from today, I want to dance” then you’re in luck. The issue with this rule is that if it’s not allowed on campus, then why do they host events with dancing at afterparties for school events such as Rez Rally and Woofest? Make up your mind, Vanguard.

5. Unmarried Pregnancy

One would think that with all of Vanguard’s restrictions on drinking, drugs, relationships, and such that they would have little to no leeway with unmarried students becoming pregnant. According to the student handbook, if an unmarried student gets pregnant, she is encouraged to seek help from the Vice President, resident director, or student affairs. They are not required to, but the handbook says that Vanguard will provide support throughout the pregnancy or the student’s duration at Vanguard. Not a funny issue, but a refreshing rule to see our school upholding.

4. Expectations

Obviously, every college will have some sort of expectation for their students’ behavior, and even more so in a Christian institution. The handbook defines Vanguard’s general expectations for their community, and some of their expectations are obvious such as not breaking the law, wear clothing outside of your dorm, and uphold biblical standards. However, one expectation that may come as a surprise is students are expected to have a good attitude. Yes, you read that right: have a good attitude.

According to page 22, Vanguard disapproves of any attitude that stems from greed, jealousy, pride, bitterness, or needless anger. That means that all of us students enraged by the death of Midnight Breakfast are acting against contract. We might need to go to a few extra Shines to get us back in the right attitude.

3. Language

Naturally with this being a Christian university, profanity is frowned upon. And even though the majority of students, and even teachers have uttered the elusive cuss, that handbook states that Vanguard discourages any lewd, profane, or indecent language on their campus. According to the handbook, this includes language in music or on clothing, stickers on cars, computers, and water bottles, and tattoos. So, be careful within the thin walls of Vanguard, you never know who’s listening.

2. Dining Etiquette

These regulations include the requirement of shoes and shirts in the Caf, only being allowed to take one dessert or one fruit out of the Caf with you (otherwise they are supposed to make you eat it inside the Caf, but I have yet to see that ever happen). And lastly, perhaps the most broken rule: taking dishware outside of the Caf. Last semester brought the introduction of the dish boxes into dorm lobbies. For a good two or three months, boxes sat by the elevators and doors of the lobbies in hopes that the prodigal dishes would return.

1. Hoverboard Policy

The hoverboard was a trend that emerged in 2015 and quickly claimed the attention of the majority of America, thanks to a social media platform known as Vine. When the boards began to self-destruct later that year and into 2016, they gained more attention. According to the handbook, Vanguard was among those to pay attention to the dangers of the hoverboard. The handbook states that any possession of a hoverboard on campus is strictly banned. It cannot be used or stored at all on campus. These are just a few hidden gems from our student handbook. So next time you want to dance, make sure that you plan it at least a month in advance, watch your attitudes, and leave your hoverboards at home because you’re all under contract.