How to Cure a Broken Heart: Kate Hudson Edition

Curing a broken heart after it has been so rudely been ripped out of your chest and displayed in front of you like some non FDA approved dog food is not an easy task. Standing there like a deer in headlights blindsided by this epidemic, yet again debating whether or not to dye your hair blue or change the color of your eye liner. That ain’t cute, and you should probably get your life together.
First step is to reevaluate your decisions in the past six months, and think “What would Kate Hudson do?”. Find that one friend that won’t judge you for being a total emotional mess… for a week straight… and then move on to what kind of movie selection you want to stock up on. Nothing is better in the initial break up stage to let all of your emotions out with a sad movie. Getting your mind off of your own pathetic life and onto another is the best way to blind your heart of pain. Get the movie “A Little Bit of Heaven,” and have your friend bring the Kleenex and whole bag of chocolate covered pretzels… you’ll need ‘em. Just a forewarning… Whoopee Goldberg is in this movie, and yes, still missing her eyebrows. I heard there was a reward for those things, but that could just be a rumor.

After allowing your mascara to run all down your face and onto your roommates shirt, its time for something a little less aggressive. “Bride Wars” is a different plot change, but will most likely remind you of how single you are. If thats not enough, Anne Hathaway’s strip tease will scar you for life. “Fools Gold” will need to follow shortly after, and enjoy Matthew McConaughey’s and Penelope Cruz’s on screen chemistry and wonder where they went wrong. Your movie list will need to end with “How To Lose a Guy in Ten Days,” mostly because this is a token breakup movie. It has the perfect balance of confidence and comedy that I’m almost certain you will be ready to start a new chapter.
Now that your break up movie selection is over, its time for the deep cleanse. And no, don’t go out and buy a juice cleanse people… I mean physical things. Anything and everything that has an emotional tie should probably make its way to the trash. Yes, even the Tiffany & Co. bracelet on your wrist. While emptying your room and looking for your dignity, music is key. This next part is essential, and will make or break you. You have two options, both of which will occur within the next week so choose wisely.
Option one is the sad music, resulting in the ugly Kim Kardashian cry and dehydration. Put on “Iris” by the Goo Goo Dolls, or “How to Save a Life” by the Fray; allowing the emotions an out of your body and mind is key in healing a broken heart, so crying is acceptable. Option two is uplifting songs like “Fighter” by Christina Aguilera or “Single” by Natasha Beddingfield. The point is that you feel empowered to get back on your feet and face a new day.
Remember that though breakups suck, they are a part of life and usually happen for a reason. You may not see it now, but one day you will wake up and understand why it didn’t work. Perfect time to start to remember all the things you hated about the one who broke your heart, and to understand why it didn’t have a white picked fence ending. Accept that change is a natural part of life, and just because your summer fling was great, its time to release the reins and let the horses run wild. But lets not get crazy, you do have morals somewhere deep down inside. Large sunglasses and Preparation-H will help with those bags under your eyes, and a Tide-To-Go pen can remove some of those mascara stains. To end this article, just remember a few things: blue hair would be “different”, but lets be honest…. Zenon, girl of the 21st century called… she wants her hair back. Also, now is a perfect time to drop this extra relationship pounds so you are able to fit back into those skinny jeans.