How to Avoid the Stage 5 Clinger

We are all guilty of overly flirting with a new friend, but shifting back into the “Friend-Zone” is key. Its not your fault that you have a nice smile, and a hidden agenda. But now what do you do when that said friend is now hitting on you… got yourself into a pickle. But not to worry! The best method is to “ghost” the person, or “avoid at all costs” said friend for an adequate amount of time until they drop all thoughts about you. Too bad Vanguard is the size of a thumbtack though. On campus flights are not ideal, and you should never dip into the Vanguard pool. But in the event that you have a Stage 5 clinger, here are some steps to follow.
Make sure your actual friends understand the whole “Code Red” motto… Code Red means run for your lives, while avoiding the campus golf carts that try to act as a barrier. Duck and cover until you can get into the open space, and run like Shaquille O’neal is chasing you. When classmates later come up and ask what the commotion was about, tell them you were preparing for a marathon… though unbelievable, at least you can yell at them for making a fat joke if they call you out! Solid avoidance is needed for at least 7 days. Maybe you were on vacation, or died or something… they don’t know your life!
Here on campus, avoiding someone like the plague only lasts for so long, so preparing for the awkward confrontation is key. And remember if all else fails, start speaking in a different language… Your Stage 5 will think your weird and move onto their next victim… forewarn your roommate please; he or she may be next. Avoiding the “talk” is highly recommended, and usually can be avoided hanging out with one of the baseball studs. Having fresh meat on your arm is the quickest way to drop the Stage 5, but be careful not to allow said fresh meat to turn into your new Stage 5… unless you like the attention, then I highly recommend it.
May the odds be ever in your favor…
#foreversingle