“You’re so young and inexperienced.” “You’re setting yourself up for divorce.” “You need to get out and live.” “Be free for a couple more years and take it in while you can.”
I’m 20, and I am getting married next year. I hear these things all the time.
Despite the majority of people who believe you should explore the world and live life as a single person in your 20s, I disagree.
Last year the Women’s Health Magazine published a survey showing that women got married on average at 27 and the men at 30, which is the longest people are waiting in history.
When did society flip-flop and become anti-young marriage? It used to be expected for this to happen. Now people who marry young are seen as anything but the norm. People who do so now are seen as young, dumb, and broke (as the famous artist Khalid puts it).
When I’m in a conversation and someone notices my ring, I can feel the judgment and the criticism. Last week a stranger was shocked that I told her I was getting married. Her reply was, “Oh my gosh, I thought you were fourteen. You need to wait to get married and go live your life. Find out who you are and travel the world.”
This horrible stigma that is behind marriage at such a young age needs to be flipped.
Many people will say that you need time to find yourself. That you need time to experience the world and have fun. Well, who says you can’t do all that with your partner for life?
Growing up into adulthood is one of the craziest, most stressful, and memorable times of your life. Going through this as a young couple, you will get to experience so much that other couples miss out on. School, first jobs, learning the ups and downs of finances and finding out who you are as individuals, together.
By doing these things as a team, there is a common ground on which you can stand later on when problems arise. And although people change over time, if you have a well respected other half, you will learn how to work together as time goes on. The changes you feared will work themselves out.
I was in love and taken by 16.
I was lucky enough to find the man of my dreams who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I’m not saying that if you’re not taken by 16 you will never find them, rather if you have found the partner of your dreams, go for it and get married.
Relationships these days are much different than our parents’ generation, and all the more from our grandparents, which is a huge reason why the national average age to get married has gone up.
Many couples in relationships these days, old and young, don’t wait for marriage to take huge steps. It’s extremely rare for someone to not have sex until marriage, wait to move in together, buy pets or even have kids.
These steps make the dating and marriage process harder on you and your future spouse.
Being young and wanting to get married is right for some people and fits the occasion. For these couples that get lucky enough, it throws a lot of possible unnecessary hurt, awkwardness, and baggage out the window.
Experiencing heartache and hardships with one guy not only builds a foundation, but it helps you grow together as a better fit which will benefit you both as individuals in the future.
As a young couple, 20 and 21 to be exact, we are learning how to do life together rather than on our own. Because we were so young when we met, we have always done things together. We have always been a we. Now, 5 years later we are still doing life as a we.
Despite the stereotype that your life is over when you get married that is quite wrong. Getting married to a respectable, understanding, and an overall great guy does and will make your life easier.
Yes, the counterargument to this is obviously the ‘single-life’ you will miss out on but how much of that do you really want to experience. Going to bars, flirting with random guys, waking up next to a stranger, getting dumped the next day, and doing it all over? Sounds more depressing than an experience everyone should try.
Traveling Europe alone and learning another culture isn’t out for the count either. Your spouse will support you in your dreams and if this is your dream, you can still make it happen and have a healthy marriage that thrives on benefiting each other’s dreams.
Marriage while you are young helps with all the hard things that come with adulting. When the bills come, you now can split it two ways. When you are stressed out and need someone to motivate you, they always have your back. When there is a big day ahead, you can conquer it as two rather than by yourself.
So take a chance, don’t be afraid to go against the mainstream and don’t take crap from anyone. You’re only young once so take advantage and get ahead.