A college students guide to seasonal dating

If you want a “ring by spring,” you’ve got to start somewhere.

Dating at Vanguard can be stressful. As women come to learn, it is the only possible place to find young men. And yet, we are met with the surplus of available, gorgeous young women and the seemingly drastic lack of young beaux.

You may fear “the ratio” here at Vanguard, but it is not as scary as people make it seem.

Though you might have missed out on “cuffing season,” a phenomenon when those who would rather be living the solo life start looking for a potential partner to share the fall and winter seasons, you’re in luck. Valentine’s Day is waiting right around the corner.

As people begin to romanticize the chilly air and silent nights, they also begin to romanticize each other.

This seems impossible with the frightening numbers coming out to dire percentages of snagging a Christian man, but rest assured. The Voice is here to be your saving grace.

Now, assuming that after a less-than-successful summer fling, you’ve healed from your heartache or reveled in your single life. And you may have muddled through the holidays with a forlorn look, but alas, now is the time for you to start looking again. As Punxsutawney Phil have assured us six more weeks until spring, it is now time to appraise the eligible young men and women across campus to try and find someone to cuddle up with during the “cold” California winter.

Now, I know that all these seasonal dating trends can get a bit confusing. So if you’d like to stay on board and avoid missing out (FOMO is real) than sit down and listen up.

Obviously, true love for any Christian (especially the young women) has got to come from our university; for where else could we possibly find a suitable, religious young man of the same age?

However, the problem at hand still persists; Vanguard’s tragic flaw that will prevent many students from ever finding love, it seems: the ratio.

Now I am sure we have all heard those rumors about the overwhelming amount of women Vanguard holds in comparison to men. These horrific stats enter the nightmares of young women who have entered college with the sole intent to find a God-fearing husband.

Just recently, I have heard statistics such as 8:1 (female to male) thrown around with confidence, followed up by negations stating it was only a mere 6:1.

However, fear not, my fellow Lions, for the truth is here. After intense research (well, an email), The Voice has the true number for the accursed ratio.

Ready, folks?

2:1.

That’s right. According to the Office of the Provost, for every two women, there is one man. I mean, there will still be some squabbles, skirmishes, and inevitable tears, but besides that, it could be worse, right?

Perhaps not, and perhaps it may feel as if eight girls are all going for the same guy at once, but don’t blame the Vanguard ratio. It’s much more likely the guys that are available are not the ones you want. Or you can blame you and your friends’ sharing the same critically acclaimed taste in men. It’s not that the men aren’t there… it’s that the men that you want to be there aren’t.

Now, if you manage to get yourself a man this Valentine’s, hang on tight. If you can handle long distance through the summer, you’ll feel home free. Well, at least until a trip home to meet the family over Thanksgiving. Then your boo need only survive the “Turkey Drop” (the record breaking amount of relationships that end around the holidays) before you are best on your way towards Ring by Spring.

But remember, ladies, if he doesn’t propose by next summer: break up, rinse, and repeat.