Thanks Obamacare

All Hail King Obama! Silly things like democracy and the checks and balance system are notions of the Dark Ages…meaning 2013. The New Year has come and gone and already resolutions have been broken just as quickly as they were made. However, the least “new” thing about 2014 is the talk of the Affordable Care Act (ACA). Those already sick of this topic should learn to either stick their head in the sand or choose to become knowledgeable on the subject; hopefully the latter, considering that the program will continue to roll out until 2022.

Not only has the ACA generated a considerable amount of buzz, the campaigns surrounding it have managed to turn a few heads. The late 2013 ad campaign called “got insurance?” (similar to “got milk?”), from the larger campaign “Thanks ObamaCare,” is a project of the Colorado Consumer Health Care Initiative and Progress Now Colorado Education. One campaign features advertisements with the words, “LET’S GET PHYSICAL: OMG, he’s hot! Let’s hope he’s as easy to get this birth control. My health insurance covers the pill, which means all I have to worry about is getting him between the covers.* I got insurance.” First of all, if you’re like me, the first thing you look for is what the asterisk is referring to. Glad you asked: “The pill doesn’t protect you from STDs; condoms and common sense do that.”

Well, let me be the first to say, “Thanks, Obamacare.” You have successfully intertwined the “hookup culture” of my age group, politics, and sexually transmitted diseases all into one advertisement. Job well done. I wonder if Obamacare will cover the treatment of STDs after my common sense fails me along with my right to choose what healthcare I want. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention released a study earlier this year that showed STDs are soaring, with 15-24 year-olds accounting for one-half of the estimated 20 million new infections each year that cost $15 billion in healthcare. But it’s okay; we have Obamacare now.

Another advertisement says: “GET YOUR SHOTS: Shotskis keep us happy. Flu shots keep us healthy. Saving money on flu shots leaves us more money for fun shots. We got insurance. Now you can too.” Again, I must thank Obamacare for sorting my priorities out for me. For those of you who are unaware what a “shotski” is, allow me to define that: a shotski is a ski with four shot glasses glued to it where participants have to take the shot at the same time. The innovation of drunken people will never cease to fascinate me.

Now don’t all rush out at once to sign up! The deadline for signing up for health care under the Affordable Care Act is March 31. The fee for going through the year without insurance is $95 or one percent of your income, whichever turns out to be greater, of course. If you are under 25, one way to save money on health insurance is to remain on your parent’s insurance.

On January 28, President Obama spoke about the state of our union: “I’ll use my authority to work with states, utilities, and others,” President Obama said. We can look forward to the president carrying out executive orders around a paralyzed Congress. Imagine that: the leader of a country using his power to overrule other branches of government. Is that in the Constitution somewhere?

The president also stated that he aims to extend unemployment insurance. With that I say, “Thanks, Obama. There is no reason to look for work when I can get paid to do nothing.”